He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.