Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.