Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
