Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
