He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
tell me about the fingering
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
