Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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