just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
