A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
