The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
