Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.