If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza