I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
