I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!