hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.