fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
