You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
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Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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