Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.