I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
A bitchslap is in order.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted