The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY