i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize