Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.