You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.