Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."