my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
