I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.