just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does