my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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