we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in