Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.