He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
