You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.