I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?