Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend