So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants