Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!