I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.