Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
