Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"