You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative