She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
