I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
soo... how was my night?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
