she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
