You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
