Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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Please don't give away my fajitas
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.