In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
