Drunk is a universal language darling
Send us your Text From Last Night!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.