You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My life is pants optional.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
