easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
false alarm, still single
