Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Shame - the story of my life.
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