You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.