I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.