i will never coherently bang her
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
