I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
